Jesus: The Theme Park

http://www.npr.org/te...

There's a story on NPR now about what would be the largest Bible-themed park. There is opposition to it...not because of its reenforcement of events that never happened, but because it commercializes Jesus, oh and because of the traffic! Didn't Christmas commercialize Jesus a long time ago?

The "rides" include the parted Red Sea. The deleted rides include one where fathers are given a knife and are told to murder their only son

We should all go as a group of vengeful men, find the hottest chic hanging out with her father and demand sex on the spot with his precious little girl...then say "It's in the bible asshole! Give her up!"

If they do open up, I'm going in there with a sword to start slaying everyone in there, then after the carnage I'm taking slaves and concubines. Cuz just like in the Bible, "God told me to do it and said the spoils are all mine in his name"

A story about the largest bible themed them park? There's more than zero?

Huge market for those things ya know. A few years back, maybe about 10, there was supposed to be this bible themed park opening up near where I live that was gonna be called BibleWorld. It even made the news. They had a small sign up for it and everything. "Future Site of BIBLEWORLD" all nice and blue and friendly.
Nothing ever happened with it though. They never even cleared the land, and I think someone else owns it now.

I always wondered what some of the rides would've been. There could've been The Parting of the Red Sea Water Luge, or the Spinning Chariots of Fire Tilt-o-Whirl, or maybe the Walking the Path of Jesus Fun Trail with actual Roman guards whipping you as you go, and let's not forget Smiting Goliath in the Carnival area, if you smite him you get your choice of a bible, stuffed Moses, or your very own penitence whip, YEEEEAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!

Here's hoping for getting Stoned.....get it?

Some of the games could be "Stone the Hooker". When if you hit a hooker three times (the likeness of Mary Magdalene) you get a stuffed Jesus for your girlfriend.

Oh, I forgot to ask Jeff, is the theme park sponsored by Walmart?

Do they have a little speed car racing thing where all the little go-carts are like NASCAR? I can just imagine the entrance way having over the top of it, a big Jesus driving a NASCAR go-cart waving with a big smile.

As one of the live entertainment acts they could have a "God Hates Fags", and have a good ol' fashion fag bashing in a coliseum style environment where Righteous Christian Gladiators go in and slay evil gay people.

...and just when you thought the fun ended, they could have a Noah's Ark production where it plays out the flood killing innocent children playing in their villages, and slaying unborn babies in the womb's of their innocent mothers (and drowning the mothers of course) because in Genesis it says the flood (and God) killed every living thing.

Or they could have Gay Day like Disneyland except for this one as soon as homosexuals enter the park they can be mocked and ridiculed and get the persecution they rightly deserve because they have had a free ride on the express bus that is America for too long and it's high time they get what they deserve. Plus that shirt does not go with those pants.

I'm pretty sure they just take your money at the gate, and then tell you about what's inside.

They could also have a Newer Testament section of the park with a mini New Orleans. This could be the ride at parks where you go around and around really fast to loud obnoxious music. While the ride is spinning the make shift New Orleans, kinda like a studio set surrounding the ride, slowly topples over. As you enter the ride Pat Robertson is quoted on god destorying NO because of the planned gay pride march.

I wish I had something witty to add but I can't see thru the tears. Sweet Evil Jesus ya'll are a bunch of crazy men! lol